ME: *Dialing 311*
311: Hello, 311, how can we help you?
ME: I’m getting comment spam on my blog.
311: Goodness! That’s deprivation of free speech, let me forward you to the 911 emergency line. *click*
911: You’re reporting comment spam?
ME: Yes.
911: Ok, I’ll get you in touch with a detective. Do you have your IP address and password ready?
ME: Yes, thanks.
911: *click*
DETECTIVE: Comment spam?
ME: Yes.
DETECTIVE: Lets get some information from you…
… several minutes later …
DETECTIVE: Ah, I know this guy, he’s a repeat offender. I’ll send a couple of cars out. We’ll let you know if you’re needed for the trial. Thanks for letting us know about this so quickly.
ME: Thank you, officer.
DETECTIVE: Just doing my job, sir. Goodbye.
Updated to add: I just had to close comments on this entry because it was getting so much dad-gum spam.